NOT a superfriend

Oh HELL to the NO!
The NY Post is reporting that perma-beast Katharine McPhee is up for the role of Wonder Woman. Now I've been waiting for this movie to get made for YEARS, and with Buffy creator Joss Whedon writing the script, I have such high hopes. Though if McPhever is running around with the magic lasso, she'll ruin it! This is worst than the time they said Sandra Bollocks was up for the part. Bleekosity! This chick must be stopped!

"...but you know, she can't sing."

Uh huh, right.

What About Bob?

Today marks the release date for music legend Bob Dylan's 31st album, 'Modern Times,' and I need to get something off of my chest before we get any further along in this post. Bob Dylan does absolutely nothing for me. I have tried listening to his music and my usual response is one of two things: 'Lord, a butter knife to the veins would feel mighty nice right now...' or 'I hope the man who sounds like he's dying a slow, painful death on that record got some help as soon as he was finished recording this song.'

Am I the only person out there who just does not get it and, frankly, does not care about Bob Dylan's presence in the world of music? Does this make me a bad person? I'm simply not interested. And I'm also tired of the typical response to his albums, which goes something like this: Cover of Rolling Stone magazine, slew of four- or five-star reviews, umpteen Grammy nominations, incoherent performance at said Grammy ceremony.

By the way, Dylan is quoted in the new Rolling Stone magazine saying that "modern music is worthless." Wow, what a shocking and original statement, and something I never would have expected him to say...NAWWWWT!! Honestly, Mr. Dylan, you have a show on XM Satellite Radio where you are free to play whatever the heck you want, so what's the point of dissing current music? As far as I'm concerned, hippie folk music from the '60s is worthless, and I don't want to hear any of it. I'm so over these legendary rock stars (*cough cough* JONI MITCHELL *cough cough*) who feel the need to slam what's currently popular just so they can move a few more copies of their new projects.

I can't take it on. Please, somebody, play me some Timberlake, stat!!

Love and feminist critique for D. Rich

I am an unapologetic fan of Denise Richards. I really love the bitch. I've loved her ever since she was a no-name teen model in YM and Sassy (moment of silence for those two awesome magazines).
I need to get my hands on the September issue of Harper's Bazaar. There is a pictorial of D. Rich dressed like a beasty diva doing "domestic" type things (buying groceries, pumping gas, etc.). Hot!
In the Bazaar interview, she says this while speaking of Charlie Sheen: "I've never done drugs, never been around a prostitute, never known any porn stars. I couldn't even fathom that lifestyle. I grew up in Illinois, not L.A. He told me that was in the past, and I believed him."
I'm not the president of the Prostitute Advocacy Association or anything, BUT, I took a little offense to this comment. For so many women, prostitution is a means of survival. You cannot simply criminalize women for doing this without looking at all the other factors in their lives. Oftentimes, women and young girls are victims of violence, poverty, abuse and other horrible things that don't leave them with many options. In an ideal world, every girl would grow up with self esteem and access to any resource to ensure their dreams get realized. Until then, it's all about figuring out ways to reduce harm and not unfairly criminalize.
"Don't judge, keep sharing."*

* a line from "Beaches"

I'm missin' you like candy

Bless the Goddess for Candy Spelling. Did y'all see her fake mourning on the Emmys? Classic. I loved how they made Tori and her no-name husband sit far away. Aww... poor horse face. I just hope she doesn't have to shop at thrift stores anymore. Kelly Taylor does not interact with people that shop at thrift stores.

"I could show you my throat X-rays, but I'm not going to."

No, seriously. Someone needs to give Katharine McPhee a happy face. Check out some of her newest interview in US Weekly. Beasty!

Yet another story about obesity...

Now there is a study saying that overweight people die early. Well no fucking shit, Sherlock. I am so tired of hearing about the "obesity epidemic" in America I could just vomit. It's called, get up off your lazy ass, start burning more that 10 calories a day, and stop inhaling 10 buckets of chicken in one sitting. No? Ok, well while you devour your quadruple whopper enchilada supreme, I'll save my sympathy for people with real problems.

Dirty Little Secret....

Ok, I know I'm going straight to hell, but I have to say it... I wish Jill Carroll would just shut the hell up.

What's in M'Lynn's Phonograph?

Hey pigfuckers:

If any of you are able to tear yourself away from the new XXXTina album for more than ten minutes, I have another musical suggestion for you. (And for the record, I'm totes fine with her new album. My days of hatin' are long gone...or at least dormant until she pulls out the assless chaps again/Hell freezes over and Britty Pears comes back all hot and fierce.)

Anyhow, Drum and I subscribe to Napster and recently they kept plugging an album by a band called Mew on their homepage. I grew totally curious when I realized that the cover to their album, And the Glass-Handed Kites, reminded me of Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' video. (Never a bad thing!!) So I gave Mew a whirl, and you know what? I'm totally hooked. Their music is hard to describe. I read one review that said all of their music was ready for a laser-light show, and I think that's pretty accurate. I've been exploring some lighter rock music from the late '70s/early '80s lately, stuff like Supertramp and Toto,, so Mew's throwback sound certainly jibes with my new interest. And they're also compared favorably to two of my favorite bands of all time: college discoveries/geniuses The Pixies, and shoegazing masters My Bloody Valentine. Good pedigree, huh?

Take a whirl if you're interested. My suggestion: Try listening to the whole album through all the way, at least once, and then just start playing 'Apocalypso' 189 times in a row, just like I did. I know they're no Danity Kane, but they're worth the trouble. And yes, just so you're all placated, I temper my Mew marathons with a few sneaks of The Pussycat Dolls, Cassie, and maybe even Paris Hilton. Because at the end of the day, I'm still pop, y'all!

This is the day of the show y'all. *

At approximately 3:00 p.m. today I got my li'l debbie hands on my very own copy of the new Danity Kane (or, as Truvy says, "Danity HEIN") album. YES. Some of you know I've had a pretty traumatic week so this album dropping was seriously the light at the end of my tunnel (right next to coming home to Shelby's Gal). As soon as I paid my $10.85 to the pimply faced 18-year-old working at Virgin Megastore I gave a peace sign and proceeded to run/walk home trying to contain my squeals.

I popped it in to behbeh boombox (the ONLY way to listen to any new craptastic pop music) and gave it a quick once over. I went through all of the songs to try and find the Scott Storch "Sleep on It" track and soon became greatly distressed when I couldn't find it. Seriously, my heart started racing and I had to wipe the sweat from my brow. Just as I was getting ready to BLOW OUT I saw that it was a "hidden track" at the end of the CD. Phew! That was a close one. Seriously, that Scott Storch track is freakin' awesome. Do you all remember the episode where S.S. gave a "baby clap" while drinking his Yoo Hoo after listening to the completed track in the studio? Classic. In fact, it was so good, I dubbed S.S.my official "Anus of the Summer." He is so hideous. Give me more! Oh... and I LOVED listening to Dawn's "Ooohh, I ain't tryin' to be ruuude" line. Can't you just imagine Pooh Bear giving her a "thumbs up" behind the glass?

The album has so many gems. You've got your "One Shot" aka the theme song. You've also got your "Ride for You" where my girl Aundrea is all "Lately, I've been trying to fight whatever's pulling us under..." The only thing that made me sad was to see that Drea thanked Rudy in the liner notes. BOOOO!

I cannot wait to learn this entire album from front to back. We will most def be listening to this in the mini van on the way to the Cabinet-sponsored trip to "The Adventures of Mimi" this weekend.

Oh, and I have to give a shout out to one of my BFF's Floben (her last name and mine put together... an old inside joke). I got to see Floben when I was in L.A. last week and we caught up on everything Danity Kane as she is a superfan as well. She'd most def be an honorary Cabinet member if she were in NYC (get a rope). We talked about how slutty Aubrey is, how lovable Pooh Bear is and how obnoxious Laurie Ann the choreographer is. Freakin' AWESOME.

This album is fine holiday fun. If you consider the gross, humid last days of August a holiday.

*A line from "Waiting for Guffman," ie. the Greatest Movie of All Time.

Fear is a human creation

Is it just me...or is this post about Iran and August 22 and the war on terror totally and utterly speculative and slanted? And is this an ABC News story or a blog or what? I'm confused. This isn't news. It's some sort of random musing that somehow twisted itself into a scary story. And now I'm all nervous about riding the subway tomorrow morning.

Thanks for playing, folks.

Early Emmy Jumpoff

Hey kids:
The 'creative' Emmys were held last night in LA, a week before the 'real' Emmys air on NBC next Sunday evening. As you all know, I'm an awards-show whore (hello! the Teen Choice fiesta is tonight and you bettah beLIEVE I'm gon' watch me some K. Fed singing), so I was trolling online to see some of the early winners this morning.

The news from Hollywood this morning should make Ouizer and Truvy very, very happy. First of all, Cloris Leachman won a record-breaking EIGHTH Emmy for her guest-starring role on 'Malcolm in the Middle.' Can I just say how freakin' fierce this woman is? I was fascinated by her as a wee one when she took over for Mrs. Garrett on 'The Facts of Life,' she's major in her Oscar-winning role as a cheating housewife in the film 'The Last Picture Show,' and she's just hilarious in her role as pushy Phyllis on 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show.' All this, and she did it without changing that hideous name of hers. You go, gurl! Keep on truckin' even though you're older than Methuselah!

The other chunk of good news is that Leslie Jordan won an Emmy for his guest-starring role as Beverley Leslie on 'Will & Grace.' I'm still not a fan of the way he left the show (did a gust of wind really need to blow him off that balcony???), but I am absolutely thrilled that the actor who played my all-time favorite character on the show finally got rewarded for cracking my shit up on a semi-weekly basis. Go Leslie!

My B2B

Okay, I swear this is the last Christina post for the day. I recently put together a track list for the (one disc) "Back to Basics" album I wish Christina had put out. Start to finish, I think this would have been a really concise album showcasing her talent and rage. This is also the cd I've been burning for friends to try and get them turned on to her new material. I'm sure there will be plenty of disagreement on what I've included or not included...so feel free to comment!

1). Makes Me Wanna Pray
2). Ain't No Other Man
3). Understand
4). Slow Down Baby
5). Still Dirrty
6). Here to Stay
7). Candyman
8). Mercy on Me
9). Hurt
10). Save Me From Myself

Christina Aguilera Good Morning America 'Candyman'

Christina Aguilera - Good Morning America Review

As if there was any question, I'm happy to report that Truvy, Drum and I represented the Cabinet this past Friday for Christina Aguilera's Good Morning America appearance. Truvy and I strolled into Bryant Park at 7:45 (Drum? I believe 6:00 am...now THAT'S love), almost at the exact moment Christina came out for rehearsal. Here are a few highlights from the morning:

• It was noted that Christina's dancers were forced (we hope!) to rehearse in costume, unlike her, who was sporting some comfy jeans and a ridiculously unnecessary sweater-coat-shawl piece. I had to believe this was uncomfortable in 80 degrees and high humidity, but hey, the lady wants what the lady wants.
• Diane Sawyer was NOT present, which completely infuriated me. Truvy and I speculated that Christina and Diane had some nasty run-in in the past and that Diane refused to participate. Diane was a highlight of the Whitney GMA taping that the Cabinet attended many moons ago. This was the appearance during which Whitney threatened to fire the stage crew after almost tripping on a wire, accused the children's choir she was performing with of screwing up a song and started if over, and generally acted like a big bag of crazy. Yeah...that one.
• Christina had a massive entourage that would scurry out between tapings, including (I believe) a personal assistant who looked like Ashtray Simpson with oversize sunglasses. During these breaks, Christina would manically reapply red lipstick as if it was laced with crystal meth. We liked to fantasize that she's constantly screaming backstage "MORE....RED....LIPSTICK!" *
• Christina had a super hot J-Tim/K-Fed backup dancer who kept trying to show off during breaks, flipping his hat and doing somersaults. We got it, dude...you're hot.
• Christina blew her her tits clean off on every song. My most rabid moment was during "Candyman" (clip above), when she proceeded to belt what I believe is a high E above middle C over an entire chorus of the song. Um, that ain't easy to do folks...especially at 8:00 in the morning. You'll also see in the clip that the choregraphy is fun, flirty, and well executed. I am extremely excited to hear this will be her next single.

* Done in Faye Dunaway "NO WIRE HANGERS!" inflection from 'Mommie Dearest'".

I strolled out of Bryant Park at 9am, with just enough time to hop on the train uptown for two stops and stroll into work right on time. On the train, I was thinking once again about how much of a charmed existence I live here in NYC. The fact that I could make a slight diversion out of my normal day and have this experience...well, ridiculous is the best word for it. I've lived in the city for six years and despite cramped quarters, high cost of living, pollution and terrorism, I never cease to be thankful for every single day. Living in New York City is LIVING, people!

Whoa...getting a little heady here...this started as a pop music post. Speaking of which, it was just announced that BEYONCE will also be doing a GMA appearance on September 9th. I'd like to point out that the name of her album is 'B'Day' and this is, in fact, a day after my own birthday. Expect a full report!

Karr Krash

Is anybody else in the Cabinet following the JonBenet Ramsey arrest as closely as I am? I've been totes blindsided by the sudden news that they arrested this dude, Mark Karr, for her murder. I'm completely baffled by all of the random and shady info that's spilling out about this guy--and just as tweaked out by the fact that the officials who arrested him are being so cagey about things. They aren't really giving us much to go on, and now there is this leaked information about how "Karr" (really a college professor posing as Karr) was in touch with Patsy Ramsey before she died in June. (While we're at it, isn't it also a tad strange how her death came so soon before the arrest?)

I don't really feel like getting into the entire case here on the blog, but suffice it to say I've had a passing interest in this whole thing since back in the day when JonBenet's murder was announced. The whole thing has just always been so f'ed up. And if you guys want to see something interesting, you should go to www.powerwurks.com. That used to be the website address for the 'newsgroup' that Karr ran; somebody has updated the site with information about him since the arrest, and it includes the resume that he once posted online. One of the 'duties' that he lists on there is bathing the children that he cared for. Yikes! Totally required reading for anybody with a sick fascination with this case.

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE WAY THIS GUY DRESSES?!?! CREEEEEEPY!

eff u scott storch

Maybe I'm late news guy here, but I finally figured out what Xtina's new song "F.U.S.S." means. Here's a quote from Scott Storch. Yeeeaaahhh, drama!

"It's pretty pathetic thats she would do a song like this. I worked on half of her last CD and sold her millions of copies. Obviously, she cares more than I do that I didn't do this album. But I can't blame her, with an album full of fillers, oversinging and lame Vegas-like cabaret music. You should fire your management for letting me slip through your fingers."
(source)

Thank you for listening

Many moons ago, I said that Hilary should steer her career down Kylie's beaten path, and now it seems she has (even Perez took notice). Thank you, Duffster. I like the video and I dig the song. I just hope the rest of the album follows suit.

Hilary Duff - Play With Fire


FYI... Duffster said on TRL that she made this video before she even finished recording the song. How's that possible, you ask. Well, watch the video and it's clear. There's not much to it, but the editing is top notch for a pop/dance tune. Good Job.

Incidentally... I can't wait for her and Sideler Duff's new movie, "Material Girls". I hope they wildout the whole time, only to learn a valuble lesson in the last 20 minutes. Goodtimes.

ps... click on this "Material Girls" link to hear The Sisters Duff's HORRIBLE remake of Madonna's classic anthem.

Crazy with a B

OMG!
I've read some negative things about this video, but I LOOOOOVE it!
Angry Beyonce reminds me of Angry Britney in "Everytime".
Now I'm REALLY excited for "B-day".
outrageous.

Beyonce - Ring The Alarm

screwed

Listen to Ms. Hilton's entire new album here.

I liked "Stars are Blind", so I really had high hopes for this, but... no.

It's much worse than I could have ever imagined.

Enjoy.

Gay Panic: Christina Edition

Happy Christina Album Release Day, girls and gurls!

Actually, I must confess the Cabinet has been so 'lil debbie for this album, most of us (ahem, me) have already been listening to and memorizing the album as of two weeks ago via illegal download (thanks, Drum!). That said, I'm "sho exsheyted!" * by the fact I can now purchase a legitimate copy, and that my favorite beasty diva has hijacked all media outlets this week. It is truly time to rejoice and count our blessings.

*spoken like Liza Minnelli

Reviews:

Rolling Stone

Entertainment Weekly

Time Out

Upcoming Appearances:

8/16/2006 - The Late Show with David Letterman

8/16/2006 - Good Morning America interview

8/18/2006 - Good Morning America Performance (Performing "Ain't No Other Man", "Beautiful" and either "Understand" Or "Slow Down Baby")

9/8/2006 - Fashion Rocks

Also, be SURE to catch the "Back to Basics" special they've been running on MTV (some truly divalicious moments). If for some ungodly, gorgoyles reason you don't have tivo or dvr access, you could also grab a lot of their content over on MTV Overdrive.

Enjoy!

If you don't watch it, you're getting a cease-and-desist letter, too!

Please, go away. You annoy me.

Bea Prepared

One of M'Lynn's earliest and most revered childhood memories is of watching the weekly music countdown show Solid Gold with her mom on Saturday nights right after church. Recently, Madame--of Wayland Flowers and Madame fame--contacted M'Lynn on Friendster by sending her a smile. Wasn't that just so sweet and gracious of dear Madame?

M'Lynn started looking up Madame clips on YouTube, not having seen a sketch with the famed puppet in ages, and found this. M'Lynn doesn't really know what to say to all y'all other than, um...Enjoy!

Show Stopper

Holla!

Says here that Crazy With a Z is putting on a

FREE outdoor concert this Thursday in Brooklyn.

Could be fun to party!

FLASH: Cabinet sends cease-and-desist letter to rogue actress

MEMORANDUM

To: Maggie Gyllenhaal
From: The Cabinet
Re: Your generally annoying presence in our lives

August 12, 2006

Ms. Gyllenhaal:

The members of The Cabinet respectfully request a written explanation--two pages in length, double-spaced--from you and/or one of your subordinates clearly articulating and explaining your continued presence in our lives. Per Cabinet regulations, you were declared Permanently Annoying (Motion #4-B18D97) at our annual meeting in 2003, shortly after M'Lynn, Ouizer, and Clairee all tried watching your S&M-themed "film" Secretary and nearly undertook shooting sprees in a fit of crap-induced rage. Since then, you have continued to make films including, but not limited to, Mona Lisa's Anus, Happy Endings, Trust the Anus, and Monster Anus (a CG-animated feature in which only your perky-pooky-peppy voice can be heard).

Because of this unwilled act of violence and aggression, we urgently ask that you reply to the above request by Sept. 14. If we do not hear from your offices, we will interpret your silence--and any news of upcoming film, television or stage projects--as a sign of further aggression and possible provocation, and will refer this matter to our Security Council.

Respectfully,

The Cabinet

cc: Clairee
M'Lynn
Ouizer
Shelby
Truvy

Luh-hoo-zah

Every once in a while, we at RYBS like to take a break from Danity Kane and Mariah to have a little politico jumpoff.
I hate Republicans. I usually hate Democrats just as much because of the fact that they do not have spines. I mean, I'm getting tired of Dems losing races that they should be winning. They are constantly thrown soft balls that two-year olds could hit but STILL manage to miss. And, to be honest, Dems are usually too conservative for my taste, but I digress...
Given all of this, I have been so giddy with excitement today because of Joe Lieberman's loss in the Connecticut primary. I love it! FINALLY. Some sort of a sign that voters are taking power back. I know this race was primarily fought in front of the backdrop of the Iraq war (not gay marriage or abortion rights, etc.. issues I'd love to see winning), but I don't mind. This is a small sign of hope that things may change. Let's cross our fingers that stupid ass elected officials (Republicans, faux Dems like Lieberman, etc..) get the boot in the November elections.

we in the carrr... we ride slowww...

This is for Shelby
(okay, I love it too. I immediantly gave it an instant replay after my initial viewing, and yes, I'm all lil' debbie for the new album as well. I'm not ashamed, dammit!).

Danity Kane - Show Stopper

How many days 'til August 22nd?

Okay y'all, Danity Kane's album drops in just a few short weeks. I cannot wait!! Yes, they are a bunch of no-names that can't really sing and are extremely obnoxious... however, I LOVE THEM. Making the Band 3 has truly made my summer. And how many of you caught their "Making the Video" the other day? OMG, I loved it and cannot stop singing "Showstopper." The best part of the "MtV" was when their annoying "choreographer" Laurie Ann was yelling "ZONE OUT!" to them. Priceless. Ooh, I also love how Aubrey is TOTALLY being a camera hog the whole time. But you know, when it was all said and done, the bitches really turned it out. They looked good. Even Shannon the Wunderbite.
Oh, I also loved Aubrey's STUPID ass "Danity Kane" brass knuckles.
P.S. I am working on the 'ography and will be debuting it at the annual Virgo jumpoff this year.

He theeenks weeee look like weeetches!

The Beak has come out of hiding in recent days to remind the world that she still exists, though all of us in the Cabinet would like to reiterate the fact that we don't really care. First she popped up at Diddy's party in St. Tropez and was photographed looking all dewy and La-TEE-na, posing against a mirror with a sly smile on her face. (Huh?)

Now she's trying to milk it again by telling the world that she, too, has seen Suri Cruise, and has used all of the typical adjectives to describe her. You know the ones: breathtaking, beautiful, looks just like her parents, etc., etc. And while I have said time and again that I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT SURI CRUISE OR HER SUPPOSED EXISTENCE, I have to say that the poor dear is probably getting a hell of an introduction to life.

The three people who have gone on record to announce that they've "seen" Suri Cruise thus far: Leah Remini, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and The Beak.

Do you know how scared that poor child must be?!?!

nice ad

Baby, I don't want no sub-sti-tute!

I'm not usual a fan of homemade YouTube parodies,
but this one is out of control.
My favorite part is 00:51 through 00:56.
outrageous.

Layonce Knowles feat Gay ZZZZ - Deja Vu