I'm your Venus, I'm your fire...

Yesterday at Radio City Music Hall,
Gillette gave Mariah their first ever "Celebrity Legs of a Goddess" award.
Here Mimi stands next to a 16 foot replica of her legendary gams.
It's cute and all, but it seems like one of those awkward moments
celebs sometimes have to go through to get press.
None-the-less, Mariah took it all in stride. ~pun intended (:

Gillette will now begin a nationwide search for a non-celeb winner
at select venues during Mariah's tour.
The grand prize is $25,000.
I've got some nice legs, maybe I should go in drag.

I wanna know WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

You see, I was excited this weekend. Chipper, even. I was in a packed movie theatre chompin' at the bits to see the newest X-Men movie. I had my popcorn, a little buzz, and I was settling into a nice stretch of previews for potential summer blockbusters. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear? Fuckin Julia Stiles, in a trailer for the upcoming (pointless) remake of The Omen. Thanks Hoolia, way to ruin it for everyone.

Liz Taylor on Larry King

According to CNN, Elizabeth Taylor is scheduled to appear on Larry King this Tuesday, May 30th at 9:00 pm with "lots of secrets to spill". The last time I saw her on Larry King, she was completely off the hook...so it's probably worth a look. By the way, they're now saying all those rumors about her health problems are false. Which is good, because I want her completely out of control come Tuesday...

Welcome Summer!

Have a great

Memorial Day Weekend folks!

And don't forget your behbeh boombox

when you go to the beach!

Kingston Rossdale

Gwen can officially begin her reign as 'coolest mom ever'. She and Gavin had a baby boy today. Peeps say they are thinking of calling the lad, Kingston, or "King" for short.

Alright Gwennie, you got 6 months. Then I want you skinny and back promoting another album.

Let's go! Hustle!

Hi-eeeeeee!

Check out this video of Paris on her first video shoot.
She is actin' a fool!
I don't know which song this is, but it kinda sounds a little Culture Club-ish/not as good as "Screwed". Instantly catchy though, none-the-less. I'm so curious to hear what the album will sound like. I want some good trashy-pop.


more pics here

JHud update

oh snap.

There's now a Dreamgirls Featurette with

behind the scenes footage, interviews,

and a few clips of the girls singing & acting.

It looks very promising.

I think Miss Hudson just may pull it off.

I got something for your FACE!

Tonight on Primetime (ABC, 10pm), Barbara Walters will interview Isabelle Dinoire, the first person to ever get a face transplant after she was attacked by a dog last year (YES! when animals attack).

That Noise You Hear Is My Soul Folding In On Itself

I MEAN...

Speaking of rude, vile pigs...are you kidding me, America? This is just one more reason why I need to move to another country.

(However, that finale was off the chain! It was all worth it just to see Clay—um, hair!—singing to another boy. Amazing.)

still mad as hell

a couple of things here...

1. The D. Chicks new album hits stores today.

2. The girls are on the cover of Time magazine, and

3. They'll be swingin' through NYC on August 1st

with their "Accidents & Accusations Tour".

I luv'em.

O.G. Cunt

Did y'all hear that Ms. Elton blew it out again (click on title of this post)? Awesome! He apparently told a bunch of photographers to fuck off when they interrupted a speech he was giving. It will never beat his "rude vile pigs" blow but I'll take it, I'll take it. Everytime I see Elton blowing it, I think "This is what Ouizer is going to act like in his old age (but he won't be fat)."

Barbara please! Please Barbara.

FYI...
The "Mommie Dearest: Hollywood Royalty Edition" DVD drops June 6.

Extras include: Available Audio Tracks: English
Commentary by: John Waters
Three all-new featurettes:

The Revival of Joan (the biography and its adaptation to screen)

Life with Joan (the making of the film with

exclusive behind-the-scenes stories)

Joan Lives On (the film's release and cult following)
All-new interviews with producer-screenwriter Frank Yablans, Diana Scarwid, Rutanya Alda, John Waters, and John Epperson
Original theatrical trailer
Photo gallery

cunty

YES!

I'm almost convinced that Heinous Hair took these pictures just to make Britney feel bad about herself (though I actually love the hair this time).

and don't even talk about the mimi/xtina feud. My two favorite divas doing what they do best, haterating.

Welcome back Christina!

weeeee!

Check out Mimi's new Pepsi commercial here. It's fagtastic. She goes down a slide, and rides a motorcycle in her daisy dukes!
Outrageous.

Get new original ringtones by Mariah, Mary J, and other peeps here @ PepsiSmash.com

Island Def Jam has annouced that Mariah will kick off her new tour headlining the PepsiSmash concert on July 29 in LA's Kodak Theatre. She will then take on 32 U.S. dates from August through October.

Gayle King: always the picture taker, never in the picture

I could stare at this for hours.

btw... due to the president's speech,

Oprah's Legend Ball has been rescheduled to

Monday May 22 @ 8pm.

Love them Brits

Lily Allen seems pretty cool, no? More info and mp3 files here and here. The music kinda sounds like a cross between Ms. Dynamite and Mike Skinner. Maybe she and The Gossip can be the cabinet's Official Billburg Poseur music for May 2006?

An open letter to Fantasia Barrino

Dear 'Tasia,

I know it's 'hard out there, and a gurl's gotta hustle. I know that "Free Yourself" was slightly underwhelming. And yes, I know that J-Hud stole your "Dreamgirls" thunder. But 'cmon...your book cover looks like it was put together with a digital cam and some free Dell software. And I'm sorry to say it, but this whole Lifetime special follow-up is kinda messy. I appreciate the fact that you at least enlisted Debbie Allen (FAME!) to direct, but I would prefer in the future that you stick to your massive pipes to entertain me. Many thanks in advance for your consideration in this matter.

Sincerely,
Clairee Belcher, Louisiana

Jewel is M.A.D.D.!

How the mighty have fallen. The Washington Post reports Jewel is set to perform May 31st on "The Young and the Restless" on a "very special" episode that deals with drunk driving deaths (Is she gonna yodel at a funeral? Because that would be totally hot...).

At the end of the episode, she's supposed to give a public service announcement for Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Uh-huh...because I'm sure she has such a long history of support with this organization and it has nothing to do with promoting her new craptastic album. I can just imagine her venturing off script for the announcement:

"Because you might end up killing a toddler like that Noxzema girl who was in 'Urban Legend' and consequently have to deal with a messy PR scandal. And THAT'S why you shouldn't drink and drive, people. Hmm. Cars. People drive in cars. But did you know that I once lived in one?"

WE GET IT, JEWEL!

The H Words

My lovely galpal Jolie over at average everyday sane/psycho supergoddess (see link at right; I'm on a 'puter that won't let me do all of that linky bells-and-whistles stuff) recently put up a post that was part of a 'meme,' which is one of those techy terms that I just don't understand and am, quite honestly, am too lazy to look up in the dictionary. Suffice it to say that Jolie posted a list of ten words that start with the letter 'C.' Those who read the post and wanted to do their own list of ten words starting with a particular letter were to wait for an assignment from Jolie. I went ahead and, because I never learned to follow directions, chose my own letter: H. Sorry, Joles! Hope you understand.

The words I've chosen...

HOITY-TOITY This is such a fabulously expressive word, one that really expresses annoyance with snobbery while also offering up a nice rhyming sound that just flows off the tongue.

HEIRESS I don't like heiresses, but I love words that begin with a silent letter.

HINKY I wasn't sure if this was a word or not, but I knew that I'd heard it used before. I looked it up and it means 'nervous and suspicious.' I'll use it in a sentence: When Elliott Yamin croons directly into the camera, I sometimes feel a wee bit hinky.

HIMBO A close cousin of bohunk, and a word that conjures up images of, well, hot men. There's nothing wrong with that.

HARRUMPH My mother likes to harrumph loudly when people are pissing her off, whether it be behind the counter of the chiropractor's office where she works, in line at Target, or to her young son as he peruses a nudie magazine. (Yes, this really happened to me.) My mother also doesn't really like people.

HUSSY Hands down, the best word for describing a loose woman. ('Jezebel' comes in a close second.) It's clean, acceptable, and funny to hear. Sidebar: I always felt so bad for the actress Olivia Hussey. I mean, great word...but not one I'd want as my last name.

HUBBUB This one is allllmost a palindrome, one of my favorite types of words. But I like it most because I can never read or hear it without thinking of the genius scene in 'Waiting for Guffman' when Catherine O'Hara, as an extra in the musical, is trying to make background noise by loudly saying, 'Hubbub! Hubbub!'

HIPPO Doesn't this term just scream 'FAT!!!'? Women with those child-bearin' waists are often referred to as hippy; these massive, rotund animals don't so much have hips as they do one big round ball of fat in their midsection. Baby hippos are even more adorable. And my favorite character in the Richard Scarry books of my youth was Hilda Hippo. Hilda! What a name...

HARRIDAN The dictionary defines this as 'a woman who is regarded as scolding and vicious.' I have a tendency to drift towards those kinds of women in my life...but they're not harridans. They're just misunderstood! (BTW, Shelby is NOT a harridan, peeps. Please.) Harridans are best-known for screeching. They don't talk. They screech.

HOOTENANNY Yes! Yes! YESSSSS!!! Oh, this word...it's just, just...just so wondrous. It really should be used more often in daily conversation. I'll make a note to try and do that. Maybe I'll start referring to blowouts as hootenannies every once in a while, just to mix things up a bit.

I've officially hit rock bottom

I know that I've truly hit rock bottom with my pop obsession because I recently legally downloaded two tracks from Ricky Martin's newest cd - "It's Alright" and "Drop it on Me". What's worse, I've been secretly boppin' along to them ever since on my ipod. Here - check out the video for "It's Alright" on YouTube. What is WRONG with me? This is quite obviously shit, and yet I'm devouring it like La Whitney to crack-sprinkled Skittles. Clearly I need professional help.

Sadly, these Ricky Martin tracks are not even the most embarassing ones in my ipod - not by a long stretch. That dubious honor might go to my selections from "Once on this Island", multiple Gavin DeGraw tracks, or (ahem, shift uncomfortably) a Rascal Flatts song.

We all have them. You know...those songs that you secrectly love but would be completely mortified if anyone knew you actually listened to them. These are the songs during which you turn the volume down to 5 on public transport just in case, god forbid, someone smirks hearing you listen to Carrie Underwood's "Some Hearts". Because I mean, YOU'D make fun of you, right?

So I've done it. Now you confess!

"I'm so excited! I'm so... scared."

Speaking of "Showgirls", I found the scene where Jessie Spano is all cracked out on speed and 'needs her pills'.

Hot.

not to be obvi guy, but... best "Saved By the Bell" EVER.

Did you ever know that you're my hero...

I want to wish a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to M'Lynn today! M'Lynn and I have been BFF's for freakin'-ever. The very first thing I ever said to him was on May 11, 1992. We were two high school freshmen (and probably both wearing heinous clothing). I kind of knew who he was, heard that it was his birthday and said "Happy Birthday!" in a very "tween bee bopper" way as I passed him near the freshman lockers. It wasn't long until he was inviting me over to his house to watch Bette Midler movies (Big Business and Beaches at the top of the list). Some day I will find a rabbit costume and sing the "Happy Birthday Bunny Boy" song to you just like Bette does in Beaches.

All together now: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Ok... I realize we JUST let out our hatefest for Katherine McFelcher, but I have to say, this bitch is really starting to piss me off. If I have to hear her low-rent Heinous Hair warbling for another week, blood is going to spontaneously burst out of my ears. This girl is a black hole of talent who cannot control her voice - which is inexcusable considering her mother is a goddamn VOICE TEACHER.

Incidentally, I mentioned to my boyfriend at the beginning of the AI finals that Katherine's best post-Idol gig would be Belle in a regional touring production of "Beauty and the Beast". Cut to this past weekend, when I was out for drinks with friends. I brought up McFelcher's name, and I kid you not, one of my friends who I hadn't seen in months said: "You mean Belle from 'Beauty and the Beast'?". Completely independent from one another we had come to this conclusion. While we were freaking out about this revelation, another friend chimed in: "No...she's too horsey for that".

Although reason tells me she'll end up as a horse-faced Belle by Spring 2007, I'm still concerned. Especially with Chris gone (R.I.P...although I had already kinda decided this week that my new favorite was dorkwad Elliott), I have a very bad feeling I'm going to be flipping through my weekly In Touch this summer groaning at blown Skecher ads of Katherine playing with puppies and perhaps her clitoris.

Clairee, out.

"Jesus loves winners."

Yeah yeah yeah, we all know about Denise dumping Charlie, dragging his name through the mud, and stealing her BFF's hubby. So before I'm totally over her "Victim or Vixen" act, I'd just like to quickly reinstate my love for Denise Richards right now.

I've always looked to Denise's characters in "Wild Things" and (especially) "Drop Dead Gorgeous" as role models. This girl can play a condescending bitch like no one else, which of course always makes for fine cinema. Yet whenever I saw Miss D in interviews, she was soooo boring. Sure she had two babies and yeah, she's married to Perv Jumpoff, but still... the girl literally had nothing to talk about. So through endless disappointment, my love slowly faded over time.

Now, seeing her on all the magazine covers being Super-Beasto-Slut-Puppy lights up my heart and puts a skip in my step. I'm sure I'll be over all the drama in a hot minute, but for now, thank you Denise Richards, thank you. Keep on tormenting that scary looking husband of yours, and go ahead, ditch those deadbeat kids. Keep on blowing out Britney-Style on hotel balconies and show me that big Nomi Grin*. You are truly an inspiration.

*(Nomi Grin - the huge unstoppable smile you get when you know you've done something evil, yet you know you're gonna get away with it. Based on the scene in "Showgirls" where Nomi causes a huge bar fight in da club after kicking that dude in the balls. "You can't dance." "Then what am I DOING!?!" YES.)

more Gay-ken jokes, please.

Don't forget to set your DVR's tonight! Miss Griffin is back with another Bravo special, "Strong Black Woman"(9pm). I hear the second installment of her reality show, "My Life on the D-List" is right around the corner.

Viva la Kathy!

ps... I wish SHE would've been asked to host 'The View', then I'd watch everyday for sure.

"now we're even"

Truedat, D Housewives has been totally boring this season.
And yes, I said I wasn't gonna watch next season (though I probably will anyway).
But I have to say I'm loving the whole "Andrew sleeping with Mom's boyfriend" jumpoff.

Well played, Peeps. Well played.

I'm not trying to hate but...

I really wanted to write a positive post but I just saw a picture of Mariska Hargitay and that all went out the door. This woman annoys me. No real reason, she just does. Maybe it's because she's on Law and Order (SVU, Criminal Intent, Crime Scene of Victim's Intent... whatever they are called). I am so anti any Law and Order show. This upsets my girlfriend as she could watch any of these shows at any hour of the day. Unfortunately, for me, these shows are literally on every hour of the day. Anyway, Mariska annoys me. She thinks just because she's on a show that's been on the air for 50 years and the fact that she's Jayne Mansfield's (poor man's Marilyn) daughter, she's a huge A-lister. And is it just me or has this woman been pregnant for, like, 2 years? Pop it out already! I can hardly wait to see the pictures in People magazine (blegh).

Hear It 'Tis...Hear It 'Tis...

News spilled out earlier this week that Oscar winner Marlee Matlin has been cast in the upcoming season of one of my favorite TV shows, 'The L Word,' as a new love interest for Bette (Jenny Beals). As this news spread, I noticed something interesting: I can't find one person who actually likes Marlee Matlin.

"Stop throwing water on my stage, mofo's!"

Made in Brazil has some great videos of Madonna performing at Coachella. The concert this summer is gonna be off da hook, I can't wait.

oh my god, I hate you.

I don't know why I'm posting about American Idol because it is boring the shit out of me this season but....
I was just watching it and HAD to go public with my hatred toward Katharine McPheeeeeee. She thinks she's aaalll that and she's not. She is a low, low rent Kelly Clarkson and a total bore to watch. I want her to trip on stage or something. And even though Paris "Spitfire" Bennett doesn't have a chance in hell, you gotta give her props for daring to attempt a Mary J. song. Not bad, P. Ben... but not good either.
Whatever happened to the Idol I knew and loved...??!!

I don't wanna be... a murderaaaah.

I just saw Miss Music of the Sun's new video for "Unfaithful". It's like the neverending song, and her voice can get a tad grating at times,
BUT the video is faaaabulous.

So, good job Ri-Ri!