"Jesus loves winners."

Yeah yeah yeah, we all know about Denise dumping Charlie, dragging his name through the mud, and stealing her BFF's hubby. So before I'm totally over her "Victim or Vixen" act, I'd just like to quickly reinstate my love for Denise Richards right now.

I've always looked to Denise's characters in "Wild Things" and (especially) "Drop Dead Gorgeous" as role models. This girl can play a condescending bitch like no one else, which of course always makes for fine cinema. Yet whenever I saw Miss D in interviews, she was soooo boring. Sure she had two babies and yeah, she's married to Perv Jumpoff, but still... the girl literally had nothing to talk about. So through endless disappointment, my love slowly faded over time.

Now, seeing her on all the magazine covers being Super-Beasto-Slut-Puppy lights up my heart and puts a skip in my step. I'm sure I'll be over all the drama in a hot minute, but for now, thank you Denise Richards, thank you. Keep on tormenting that scary looking husband of yours, and go ahead, ditch those deadbeat kids. Keep on blowing out Britney-Style on hotel balconies and show me that big Nomi Grin*. You are truly an inspiration.

*(Nomi Grin - the huge unstoppable smile you get when you know you've done something evil, yet you know you're gonna get away with it. Based on the scene in "Showgirls" where Nomi causes a huge bar fight in da club after kicking that dude in the balls. "You can't dance." "Then what am I DOING!?!" YES.)