12 Pretty Bitches...All In A Row

I say it at the end of every 'America's Next Top Model' cycle: 'I vow never to watch this addictive show and support Tyra Banks' personal quest to infest the world with her pooch's heinosity ever again.' And just like that, I'm hooked on the premiere episode of the newest cycle. (They're not seasons, y'all, they're CYCLES!)

Anyhow, I finally caught up with ANTM's most recent two-hour premiere last night, and I just have to say: Kids, you should be watching. There was no requisite chubster to be kicked off in the fifth episode and have her dreams of being the world's next plus-size model dashed. There is nobody with an obvious, major eating disorder (yet). In fact, there aren't really even any ugly girls this go-round! Tyra picked a faaaah-ieeeerce group this time.

Personally, I'm a fan of Mollie Sue (top) and Gina (bottom). Mollie Sue is totally a behbeh lesbo. She was just in a nine year relationship with a boyfriend and realized that she wanted out—hi, clue—and she talks all low and tight and husky, just like Shane on 'The L Word.' Plus, her hair color and facial structure remind me of a certain Boston-based blogger who makes me cackle with her daily WHIT. (Hi, Supergoddess!) Gina, meanwhile, is a total nutjob who keeps blathering on about how there aren't enough Asians in modeling, but the minute she's pressed to talk about her heritage, she totally shuts down and starts to beat up on herself for being Asian, and talks about how she hates Asian men, etc. She is totally, totally awkward and totally, totally insane, and she completely broke down like 89 times on the premiere episode...and I LOVES IT!!

You guys should totally start watching this season. It's so frickin' genius I can barely stand it.