POP ROCKS!

Truvy, Shelby and I represented the cabinet at the opening of the newest incarnation of POP ROCKS! Thursday night at 13. The venue was a little bleak...unfortch not a whole lot of room for flailing limbs, such is the case with pop music and the cabinet. In addition, upon arrival we were disheartened to see the open bar was mobbed three-people deep by cheap bitches haggling with the bartender to get 5 drinks at a time. Shelby and I made the mutual decision that it was, in fact, not worth it - and since we had jobs, we would wait and pay for our drinks.

And so, while patiently waiting for that opportune moment to approach the bar, we surveyed the crowd. Bleak. Beyond the usual faggot contingency, there was an alarming percentage of shady older men, a smattering of random breeders and an extremely tragic/drunk gay couple which I can't begin to describe, other than to tell you one of them was wearing a mock turtleneck and they danced like Elaine Benes from Seinfeld.

A few other cons:

• The venue had some bleak busboys that kept frantically surveying the place with flashlights, as if they were security at Roxy.

• I was reprimanded on my way out of the place by the doorman because I walked out of the wrong "exit" door, even though there was literally no difference between the two.

• People kept jumping up on the couch and trying to turn a light fixture built in the wall towards the 3 x 3 foot "stage" in an attempt to illuminate the go-go boy.

But enough bitching. I'm happy to report the dj was the same homegurl from the last POP ROCKS! party. And so, we bravely held down the fort and blew it out to such standards as:

"I'm a Slave For U" - Brit-Brit
"Let's Get it Started" - Bleak Eyed Peas
"Ain't No Other Man" - Baby Jane
"What a Girl Wants" (remix) - Christina Aguilera
"Car Wash" - Xtina
"Deja Vu" - Crazy Eyes
"Crazy in Love" (remix) - Beyonce
"Me Against the Music" - Brit-Brit (Sidebar: we actually heard the first half of this song, twice. The cd kept blowing it out and dj homegurl eventually had to move on to something else. BLEAK!)
"The Jumpoff" - Lil' Kim
"Music" - Madonna
"Play" - J. Ho (Incidentally, though we didn't hear any Milian, this was close enough)
"Get Right" - J. Ho
"Bootylicious" - D. Child
"If" - Boobie Jumpoff

Our signal to leave, I'm sad to say, was JT's "SexyBack". Yes, I love that album, but that song is tired beyond measure. Any song that's huge even in rural America is NOT acceptable by cabinet standards. We prefer such under-the-radar pop as, for example, "Heartbreaker" by D. Hein (Incidentally, thank god we didn't hear that...Shelby would have flatlined.).

All cons aside, pop music is the equivalent of heroin to me. So see you next Thursday, POP ROCKS!