Evan is a place on earth...

I'd like to introduce you all to my new boyfriend, Evan Lysacek. He looks like a young Scott Baio (who was hot--you can all eff offif you don't agree) meets Adam Levine (who is hot, even if he is screwing that haggard beast). Just noticed him for the first time during tonight's mens' free skate, where he BLEW IT OUT and came from behind to put to rest any lingering memories from his disastrous performance two nights ago.

Evan, where have you been and why haven't I noticed you until now? And please, if you're reading this, will you marry me?