What a fuckin' BLOW!

Hey gang! Jesus H., it's been 196 years since I posted on here! Hopefully with this post, you'll be happy to have me back in Shelbyville again, so let's get going with my first post of the new year. It's never too early to start nominating the BLOW!s.

Lindsay Lohan is a real piece of work. Just this morning, I received my new copy of Vanity Fair at work and promptly tore into the plastic wrapping to read the article on Blowhan, propelled by that heintastic photo cover and the great pullquote that reads, "I knew I had a problem and I couldn't admit it." I furiously read the (quite long) article by one of my favorite VF writers, Evgenia Peretz (does anybody out there know how to pronounce this name? linguistics experts, do you read us?), in which Lindsay says a lot of bad words like 'fuck' and 'shit,' smokes a cigarette, talks about her near-death filming Herbie: Fully Loaded (um, honey, you were filming a NASCAR movie with Michael Keaton and Matt Dillon--I'd kill myself, too), bags on her dad, talks about Wilmer, admits to drug use, and apparently admits that she was bulimic. That blowbag of a mother and her publicist are both portrayed as overzealous, exasperated women who try to convince Evgenia that she shouldn't be printing these things.

Now Lindsay has released a statement to Teen People claiming that she is "appalled" by the article, that Evgenia twisted and misconstrued her words, and that she never said she was bulimic. Bitch, please. Do you think we were born yesterday? I read the article this morning really refreshed by how candid her quotes were, and within the span of a half-day, I'm treated to this half-baked, well-timed denial that half of what she said even came out of her mouth. Why would VF knowingly print things that she didn't say? Why would I choose to believe a publicity-originated statement sent to the website of a magazine oriented for teenagers (her prime audience) over one of the more respected general interest magazines in this country, which is known for its probing and often very revealing profile stories? Seriously, Linds, if you can't stand the heat, then don't even bother entering the kitchen. Oh wait, you never go in there, anyway! (Well, maybe. Don't sue me over this. I'm just re-reporting what Evgenia said. Yeeeeaaahhhhhh...)

Vexing, I tell you, vexing. And further proof that Lindsay Lohan is a prime early candidate for a 2006 BLOW! Award.