Assholes In Retreat

Click here to read Time Magazine's new cover story about the potential end of 12 years of Republican rule in Congress, all spurred by those icky-sticky IMs from Congressman Mark Foley to his young, underage page. It's a fairly interesting article that analyzes how voting-age Americans feel about the scandal, as well as an examination of how the Assholes, er, Republicans have strayed from the ideals of their 1994 "revolution." (Personally, I considered that a regression, but hey...to-may-to, to-mah-to!)

I couldn't be more thrilled to see the Assho--oops, did it again!--REPUBLICANS imploding, especially since I think they are a despicable bunch of hypocrites who've done this country more harm than good over the past few years. But I'm also just as concerned about the fact that Mark Foley, a victim of his own self-hatred and his allegiance to a party that hates gay people, is at the heart of this matter, because it's more grist for the mill for idjits like Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, who make no secret of the fact that gay people are apparently responsible for all of the world's ills. (It's true, yo. I started the Darfur crisis, Clairee holds the secret to global warming, Truvy totally supplies Hamas and Hezbollah with all of their weapons, Shelby's busy whacking baby seals in the head as I type, and Ouizer? Well, let's just say that the avian bird flu crisis is just going to get worse unless somebody gets her a better seat at the Barbra Streisand concert this week.)

But seriously, Robertson is up to his old tricks again, and there's proof in this article. In trying to steer the 'Pubes back to glory as they try to argue themselves back into voters' good graces, he's suggested the following explanation for why Denny Hastert and his cabal of cronies didn't take care of the Foley scandal far earlier. His suggested talking point? "Well, this man's gay. He does what gay people do."

If what gay people "do" is live and breathe and have a pulse, then he's right. But if what gay people "do" is flirt with young boys and try to have sex with 16-year-olds on a regular basis, then...hmmm, that actually leads me to an interesting conclusion. I've never once tried to bag an underage teenage boy, nor have I sent sexually suggestive IMs to one. So based on what Pat Robertson is saying...that must mean that I'm straight!! Who knew?! All of this pain and strife and minority status, down the drain. Thanks for setting the record straight (literally!), Pat Robertson. Now go fuck yourself.