This Means WAR

BEWARE! Satan comes in many forms, not just Dakota Fanning.

I am about to have a heart attack. I just got early numbers in for next week's album chart, and it looks like Madonna is neck and neck with that redneck Carrie Underwood. Therefore, desperate measures need to be taken. This is NOT optional, this is mandatory. EVERYONE must go out and buy at least one more copy. You can return it next week, but you must wait until Monday.

If you are reading this, Carrie, I would like you to know that your summer shenanigans were not looked upon kindly by me when you interrupted Mariah's stint at the top of the charts with that insipid "Inside Your Heaven". I HATE the fact that I will forever have to say that "We Belong Together" was #1 for 14 non-consecutive weeks. I know you are all cute and nice and sing pretty songs, but if you DARE to take the #1 album spot, I swear I will make the world explode. Well, maybe just Nashville. But don't say I didn't warn you. Where is God Warrior when you need her? Never mind, she's probably on your side, Carrie.