Fanning the Flames

So I was getting ready to hop on a BLEAK five-hour coach flight (um, middle seat and the bitch to the right of me literally sneezed on my arm at one point) from a business trip to San Diego this week and was trolling the newstands beforehand for some reading material. This is usually when I like to catch up on m'news via In Touch Weekly, but something else caught my eye. For some reason, the newstand had one of those black plastic covers over Maxim, like it was Playboy or Penthouse or Chicks With Dicks or something. I thought that was kinda strange. I mean, yeah, Maxim is disturbingly gross and trashy, but it's not like they show vajayjay. Then I noticed some shocking platinum hair peaking out from underneath the black plastic. One might even say the hair looked heinous. Could it be? I pulled the cover off and had a reaction not unlike a 10-year old opening a Nintendo on Christmas morning. Of course I bought the magazine. See, I don't even pretend to be sane when it comes to matters involving Xtina.

This one is quite Mimi. "I think perhaps I'll just lay Cleopatra-style while holding this strand of pearls..."

This is very whore-next-door.

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah cunt-jumpoff look on the face with the titties bustin' out.